Hearts on the Spectrum: Walking Our Autism Journey
ABA Therapy – Breaking Barriers with Love & Routine
From Confusion to Clarity
After receiving Jacob’s diagnosis, the most unexpected feeling washed over me: relief.
Our pediatrician seemed surprised. He gently told me, “You’re taking this better than most parents usually do.” Many parents, he explained, go into denial, heartbreak, or shock.
But me? I exhaled a breath I didn’t even know I’d been holding.
For years, I had been parenting Jacob just like my other two boys — pouring out love, attention, and affection — yet his responses were so different. He interacted with the world in ways I couldn’t fully grasp. I began questioning myself, wondering what I was doing wrong, why my love didn’t seem to land the same.
The diagnosis wasn’t a burden — it was a breakthrough. It explained the confusion. It unlocked a new language. It opened a door to a world I didn’t know existed, but one I was eager to step into.
In many ways, this journey became a mirror. As I learned about Jacob’s sensory needs and emotional responses, I started looking inward. I remembered how much I loved swimming as a child, spending hours in the water from morning until night. How certain scents could trigger headaches. How hard it was to make friends — how I often sat alone listening to music or sketching in my notebook, finding refuge in the library at lunchtime.
Maybe, just maybe… some of this was familiar for a reason. Maybe Jacob and I are more alike than I ever realized.
The Diagnosis Is Only the Beginning
What many people don’t realize is that a diagnosis isn’t an ending — it’s a beginning. It’s not the closing of a chapter, but the opening of a new one.
Yes, I felt relieved. But that relief was immediately followed by questions:
Where do we go from here?
What does this mean for Jacob? For me? For our family?
I was still grieving the loss of my mother — navigating this new world without her by my side was heartbreaking. There were so many moments I wished I could call her, hear her voice, ask her for advice.
But in her absence, I leaned on my faith. Jesus became my anchor, holding me steady through the waves of unknowns. My relationship with Jacob was changing, and so was my relationship with God. Each day, I found more comfort in prayer, persistently bringing everything to Him.
It was during this season of reflection that ABA therapy entered our lives. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew I wanted to understand my child. Little did I know it would not only help Jacob — it would change me.
ABA: What It Really Looked Like For Us
ABA therapy (Applied Behavior Analysis) means different things to different families. Some have concerns, and rightfully so. But I can only speak from our personal experience — and for us, it was an answered prayer.
We started ABA at home, just a few days a week for an hour and a half at a time. It began with an extensive questionnaire — questions about Jacob’s routines, communication, behaviors, and sensory needs.
His BCBA (Board Certified Behavior Analyst) soon began observing and interacting with him, slowly piecing together a full picture of how he experienced the world.
A few days later, she gave me a detailed report — outlining where he was developmentally, what skills needed nurturing, and most importantly, how we could work together to help him thrive.
Building Trust First
She didn’t begin with drills or demands. Instead, she called it the honeymoon phase — just getting Jacob comfortable, building trust, and following his lead.
She didn’t rush to teach — she built a relationship. And that made all the difference.
PECS & The Power of Visuals
One of the first tools she introduced me to was PECS — the Picture Exchange Communication System. She explained not just what they were, but how to use them.
She taught me to show the picture, say the word, and do the action. We practiced again and again.
And it clicked.
Jacob took to PECS quickly and began thriving with them. His communication and behavior made a complete turnaround. The visuals gave him structure, predictability, and a way to express himself without frustration.
I saw a light turn on — not just for him, but for all of us.
His BCBA also introduced me to ABC charts — Antecedent, Behavior, Consequence. At first, the tracking process felt overwhelming, but soon I understood that all behavior is a form of communication.
Suddenly I wasn’t just reacting — I was observing. I started anticipating Jacob’s needs and identifying when he was overstimulated or needed a sensory break.
ABA gave me tools not to fix Jacob, but to understand him. To connect with him in a deeper, more compassionate way.
Relearning the World Through His Eyes
Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you. I only recommend tools and resources that I have personally used with Jacob or believe can help other families on their journey.
Thank you for supporting Hearts on the Spectrum.
ABA wasn’t just teaching Jacob — it was transforming me. I wasn’t only watching him learn; I was learning to see the world through his eyes — his rhythm, his needs, his language.
One of the first books I read, recommended by Jacob’s BCBA, was 10 Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew by Ellen Notbohm. I didn’t just read it — I devoured it. Three times over. Each time I filled pages of notes, circled ideas, and underlined sentences that felt written about Jacob. It helped me understand him on a deeper level and reminded me that communication begins with connection.
Just last month I came across a more recent release — Building Better Behavior: Unlocking Potential Through Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) by BCBA Bhawna Aggarwal Sonia. Even though Jacob has been participating in ABA therapy for over two years now, I’ve learned that there’s always room to keep growing and gaining new insight. This book, just released in September 2025, offered fresh perspectives and practical ideas that reminded me how continuous learning helps us strengthen connection and understanding every step of the way.
Jacob’s BCBA was wonderful about introducing tools and sensory activities that worked with his natural curiosity rather than against it. She always said, “Meet him where he is — and make learning fun.”
Here are a few of the toys and resources that made a real difference for Jacob during ABA sessions at home:
First-Then Board ([link to your Hearts on the Spectrum First-Then Board]) — one of the first visual tools we introduced; it quickly became essential for transitions.
Visual Timer — helped Jacob understand how much time was left for each task, easing anxiety around change.
Bubbles — our simplest and happiest reward! Used often for sensory breaks, also great tool for oral motor skills.
Play-Dough & Kitchen Creations Set — wonderful for sensory exploration, hand strength, and creative learning.
Kinetic Sand — calming, tactile, and mesmerizing; it helped him self-regulate after structured sessions.
Push Pop Fidget Toy — fun stress relief, sensory bubble buttons with letter, great for a short break and learning letters.
Colorful Counting Cubes — his all-time favorite! They brought joy, structure, and motivation all in one.
Lacing Beads — fun and simple, wonderful for fine motor skills helping strengthen hand and eye coordination.
Chew Necklace — offered safe oral sensory input to support focus and calm.
Balance Board — encouraged movement, balance, and body awareness through play.
Stacking Toys - supports sequencing, receptive language, and coordination through engaging, structured play.
PECS Emotion Set (get your free download) — helped Jacob begin connecting emotions to facial expressions and words.
Our colorful fun Emotion Emojis PECS I created for Jacob using Canva.
Funny story — one day, he wasn’t feeling well, so he took his Sick PEC and placed it on his potty picture. That was his way of telling me he felt really yucky. So yes, they truly work!
Her approach turned therapy into playtime. One of Jacob’s favorite activities was a game we called Extreme Faces.Together, we acted out exaggerated emotions — happy, sad, silly, surprised — and matched them to PECS cards or emotion flashcards. Slowly, he began connecting feelings to expressions, and then to words.
It wasn’t about teaching him to act a certain way; it was about helping him discover safe ways to express how he already felt. Watching him match “funny” to a big grin or “sad” to a small frown made my heart leap.
Each book, toy, and tool became a bridge — a bridge to connection, communication, and confidence.
These small breakthroughs reminded me that when therapy is rooted in love, it isn’t about control — it’s about connection.
Addressing the Controversy with Compassion
When I first heard about ABA therapy, I was cautious. I’d seen the debates, read the headlines, and understood parents’ concerns.
The truth is, ABA hasn’t always had a gentle reputation. In its early days, it was often rigid and focused on compliance rather than connection.
But modern ABA has evolved.
Our BCBA focused on respect, collaboration, and child-led learning. The goal wasn’t to make Jacob appear neurotypical — it was to support him, teach functional communication, and reduce frustration by building safety and trust.
Her approach was gentle and consistent. She followed Jacob’s cues, celebrated small wins, and honored his boundaries. Watching them together was like witnessing a dance rooted in mutual trust.
ABA, at least as we experienced it, was a partnership. And Jacob thrived.
That’s why I always encourage parents: observe your child’s therapist. Make sure they lead with respect and compassion. A good ABA provider never pushes past a child’s boundaries just to “meet a goal.”
Because when therapy is built on trust, it becomes more than treatment — it becomes connection.
Routine: The Glue That Held Us Together
One of the greatest gifts ABA gave us was routine — not just as a schedule, but as a lifeline.
Routine isn’t about control; it’s about security. It gives individuals on the spectrum predictability in a world that often feels chaotic.
Our BCBA helped us build a visual routine Jacob could follow — picture by picture, step by step. From waking up to brushing teeth, car rides to sensory breaks, everything had a cue and rhythm.
It worked. Transitions became smoother, meltdowns decreased, and our family found calm.
The key wasn’t perfection — it was consistency.
Routine didn’t confine us — it freed us.
We learned to prepare, support, and walk through life’s challenges together.
What I Wish I Knew Then
Looking back, I often say, “I wish I had started learning sooner.”
During the waiting period before Jacob’s diagnosis, I was frozen — overwhelmed and unsure. But even without a diagnosis, there were things I could’ve done: reading, researching, supporting communication, creating visuals, and exploring sensory play.
If I could speak to that version of me, or any parent waiting on answers, I’d say:
Start small.
Learn what you can, when you can.
Trust your instincts — you know your child best.
Every behavior is communication.
You don’t need a perfect plan — just a loving next step.
ABA didn’t “fix” Jacob, because Jacob was never broken. But it gave us tools. It gave us language. It gave us connection.
Every day, I continue to grow with him — learning to slow down, celebrate what truly matters, and love louder than fear.
For Parents Walking This Journey
If you are just beginning, in the middle, or years into your autism journey — know this: you are not alone.
Here you will find hope, understanding, and tools that have helped our family thrive. Every child has their own rhythm, and with the right support, they can shine in their own beautiful way.
If you’d like guidance on PECS, routines, or sensory-friendly tools, visit our Free Resources Library or explore Our Shop for the Heart, where we offer visual supports and emotion tools inspired by Jacob’s journey.
Connect With Me
If our story resonates with you, I’d love to hear from you. Whether you’re beginning your autism journey, have questions about visual supports, or simply need encouragement — you’re not alone.
Reach out through my Contact Us Page — I personally read every message and am honored to walk alongside you.
Thank you for walking with me. May God continue to strengthen you, guide you, and fill your heart with hope.
Isaiah 41:10
“So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Note From The Heart
I’m not a medical professional or therapist — I am a mom walking this journey alongside my amazing child, who is diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and a Speech Disability. Everything I share comes from our personal experiences, deep love, and what I’ve learned along the way.
Please always consult with qualified professionals for guidance tailored to your child and family’s unique needs.
